Saturday 08/02/25 is 2 weeks I have been recovering at home. I have never been in the hospital for more than four days. Once in 2007 for an MRSA infection that my PCP inflected on me from an in office procedure, and now in 2025 for 11 days with a UTI and kidney infection that attacked my MS lesions. I have been sleeping a lot since I’ve been home. I am not sure if that is normal, but I think yes since my body has been through the wringer. I am anxious to get back to my everyday routine that I know and have been doing for a long time. Cooking, doing art, one-on-one coaching, and writing my cookbook. I am not taking the cookbook seriously; I am not sure why. Lost interest I feel.

I am getting ready to do an art project for a friend. I made her an accordion junk journal and the journal needs a storage box to put the journal in. Right now, I am planning the colors and pictures to complete it. Maybe by then I will get my motivation back. Thinking a lot about the hospital stay. I have a bad habit of thinking about the “what-ifs”. These thoughts scare me because my sister and I do not have a plan in place if something happens to one of us. I think Karen will be ok, but for me it is a little more complicated. My biggest fear is being dumped in a nursing home for the rest if my life because I have MS and I no longer walk and am wheelchair bound. What will happen to our things, Louie her cat, and other thoughts have come up.

I am starting to have anxiety as I am writing this. I guess I am not ready to figure this out, but I know I need to. I do not have any solutions and I know it is something most people who are in the same predictment as me go through this. Having long term care costs a lot of money too. I am on SSDI so my income is very limited. Another worry is will my body deteriorate over time. What will happen then? I read about other MS’rs and their stories do not help put me at ease.