After helping a fellow MS friend with her problems with MS, I learned some things about myself. It is scarey to see someone go through certain  motions like not being able to walk without the aid of a walker, and if we wanted to go somewhere, it was a chore to load up the car with the wheelchair and walker, and help her to the car. I realized that this can happen to me. I would have to depend on someone else to help me go places and get around and do things. I got really scared. Such an eye-opener for me.

The emotions that ran through my body was high. I did not realize that how important it is to listen to your body and get rest as much as you can because if I don’t do these things I can land up like her or even worse. This scares me – I have so many plans for my life. I am scared that I will not be able to do the things that I treasure the most like – going to the store to buy food, cook, decorate cakes, sew quilts, paint, even write. These are the things I take for granted every day I am alive. I need to STOP! and sit back and enjoy every bit of time I have because it can all be taken away in the next minute. Learning to appreciate and enjoy what I can do and even just sitting outside and absorping everything makes all the difference in the world.  The plans I once had a long time ago before I was diagnosed with this stupid-ass disease, I planned to have a family, meet someone, fall in love, get married, have children. I think I would be an awesome mom and a great caregiver for my family. It is in me! the nurturing part.

When I got diangosed with MS – everything changed. My life changed. I stopped living. I stopped planning things. Everything I did was a ho de hum kind of thing. The normal things we do everyday I did them listlessly. It did not mean anything.

NOW — I have so much I want to do, there are things I want to accomplish – #1 – finish college!!! get my Bachelor’s degree – 1year left WHOO HOO — YEAH!!!!, #2 – write a book about my life living with deaf parents in the god-forsaken farm with no exposure to people and culture and what I have gone through with my MS, #3 – it would be nice to meet someone – to have a great conversation and share things with and lastly # 4 – get the business off the ground so that my family and I will live without the worry of being fired or laid off from their jobs and not having to work for someone else and abide by their stupid stupid stupid rules. Speaking of rules, I can remember the most recent job I had with a construction company – I was told by one of the owners of the company to keep my pain and personal problems at home. Everyone goes through their own pain and even I (meaning the owner) have pain I go through everyday. I am thinking what an ASSHOLE!!!! I got let go anyway, so what the hell (more in my upcoming book — ya never know it can happen!)

 Anyway, on a more positive note, these are my goals, it would be so cool to see the happen!