I was in the hospital for eleven days. Longest I have ever stayed. My last hospital stay was in July 2007 from an MRSA infection caused by my PCP cutting through a lump underneath my arm causing a massive infection. This time was from a serious UTI and kidney infection that attacked my dormant MS lesions causing a flareup. The first few days I was completely out of it, slept so much and was given a lot of antibiotics intravenously. I think towards the weekend I started to feel better. There are some things that are not often discussed among people that have been hospitalized. Bathroom issues, mobility issues, nurses that are not very friendly and sometimes scary looking.

The doctor team at the Mayo clinic was awesome, very thorough with their explanations and tests. The MRI results was good news. No new lesions showing anywhere which is amazing for 33 years of having MS. Asked if I would walk again, the answer was grim. Not likely. Trauma experienced from people where I used to live before moving back home to Michigan (relationship and Deaf community) really wreaked havoc on my body. I am in a wheelchair for life, unless there is some cure to help MS patients. I still have a tiny bit of hope of proving everyone wrong, but after this recent hospital stay, I can see how bad the spine and left side is useless in many ways. Hard truth.

One of the things that was extremely hard on me was the poo and pee cleanup. No one talks about that. It is a hard reality if you are bedridden. Nurses physically clean up all the private areas on your body – rectum and butt where the urine lays while lying in the hospital bed. Hospital beds are designed very poorly. There is no way to go to the bathroom while lying in bed unless sitting on a bed pan which is extremely painful or just go while lying there. It is a humbling experience that you do not understand unless you have gone through it. I appreciate the limited mobility I have now to use the toilet privately at home. Very mortifying and humbling all at once. To this day I don’t know if the nurses were commenting while cleaning me up as I am Deaf. I hope not as I was already extremely uncomfortable.

My hospital stay has me doing some major thinking. Nursing homes and being under someone’s care. I become very emotional about this because my independence is gone in many ways. As I get older what will the mobility be like. The horrors of nursing home care constantly wreak havoc on my peace. Need to start developing plans now as I do not wish to be a burden on my sister.