Today is Day 2 of Multiple Sclerosis awareness month. Reflecting on my last 31 years, I am remembering my firsts with Multiple Sclerosis. When the neurologist confirmed what was going on, my first reaction was, thank you God it’s not a brain tumor. Boy was I naive and dumb.
My second reaction was, looking at the person Becky Reconnu Grainger that came with me, huh? What the hell is Multiple Sclerosis? She grabs my arm, asks the neurologist a question, but I cannot remember what it was. All I remember was feeling a big cloud of despair filling up my body. My ears and brain was filled with this huge mass of muffled noise. At that instant, I knew my life as I lived for 28 years changed forever. I was unmercifully thrown into the spiral of the unknown. I wished my sister was with me, I was cursing my stubbornness of telling her I will be fine, just go to work. Dumbest decision ever!
The neurologist was just rambling to me at this point. My stomache was nauseous from the migraine. My head felt like a million people were driving spikes in my eyes and head. I just remember can’t we leave now. I’m going to scream. I was still suffering from dizziness, double vision, face was numb, no taste buds, left side was completely lethargic and rubbery. I felt hopeless.
When I got home, thank for the nausea I held off from throwing up in Becky’s car. Dragged myself up the stairs into my room. Tried to lay down. My sister was asking me all kinds of questions. I could feel the stomach getting ready. I screamed at her, I have Multiple Sclerosis. Leave me alone. She leaves. I feel awful I was mean to her. I run to the bathroom and upchuck everything I had in me.
Mom calls on the TTD. Demands to talk to me. Karen tries to explain I’m seeing double vision. Mom is confused and convinced I will die. I tried to type on the TTD. Typing, reading the device with double vision, does not work well.
#mymsandme
MS and My Life 
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