I am always apologizing being in someone’s way when I am not able to walk fast to cross the street or in a public place. Hmmmm… I am wondering why am I apologizing. Too damn bad, they can wait, get behind me and wait!

I feel guilty when I use my handicap sticker. Oh the nasty stares I get from people especially elderly people who think I don’t need it. I have to remember that the doctor would not sign a handicap sticker application from the Motor Vehicle department if I did not need it. So blow it out your a*s!

Another one.. my handicap sticker is broken, I have it taped with a lot of clear tape and I cannot hang it on my mirror so it sits on my dash board. My sister thinks I am a dork for not getting another one. It costs $3.75 – she gave me $5.00 but I spent it on coffee at Starbucks. I forgot she gave me the money….. I thought I was rich for a second.

Last one on the handicap sticker….  I had one person walk around my car staring at me with that Immmaaa gonnna report you to the police face. I show the sticker, the looks I get – priceless! I want to run to the person and push them down. But my legs won’t cooperate – dammit! oh wait.. I had one person follow me into the store and say mam! mam! you are parked in a handicap zone I say yes I am because I have MS – oh she says… PRICELESS!!!!

The latest for me – I have to use a electric scooter when I am in the grocery store, I am lucky I make it to 3 aisles of food before my leg buckles and I look stupid hunched over walking. I just want to lay on the floor and cry but I don’t. I am Wonder Woman I refuse to give up. The scooter allows me to reach eye level things  on shelves and if I am lucky one shelf below. If I need something on the top shelf, I have to rewrite my food recipes because I cannot reach something. If someone is with me, I make them do all the work I just sit there an zoom fast down the aisles. Being short doesn’t help, I was not blessed with long arms. Oh yea and to the rude people that park their carts in the middle of the aisle, knowing I am behind or in front of them do not move their carts so I can get through. I have a mind to run over their feet so they can be in extreme pain for 5 minutes. That would make me very happy.  Here’s another — I love when people crash their carts into mine because I am in the way. Ok then…..

Oh wait with the scooter, no chance of reaching the food buffet at Whole Foods. The salad bar is in the middle of their cart so when I need something I have tongs but no food, they are not long enough!!!! It’s too far!!!!

People who comment on my weight…. you can work out for 15 minutes… come on…. you can….. it’s only 15 minutes. Yea sometimes I can then I am paralyzed for the next two hours from the sweating, my legs have gone completely numb I am not able to move for a few hours normally…. sure I can exercise… no problem!!! I drop weights because my hands sometimes let’s go of things. Sure I can do it exercise…. NOT!!!!! Oh yea… here is a good one – do yoga!!! It’s great for you!!! Yes it is, I admit it, one of the best exercises you can do, if you can get up off the floor after you’re done…. sure!!! and rolling over doesn’t help.

To the people who think that staying on top of your game like eating right, exercising, blah blah blah… the list goes on — sure that helps! trust me I do it everyday, BUT….. when your body does not cooperate with your brain to move – how does eating salad help when you have an attack or your body doesn’t cooperate?

To the people who say “wow you don’t look sick!” Thank you that means a lot to me I try very hard to be presentable every single day I leave the house to do things. I don’t feel sick it is just my body does strange things no one sees all the time. ‘The fatigue is just unbelievable but you don’t see that because I hide it, I go home and sleep for 2 hours in the afternoon. Oh people say you lucky dog you!!! Do you honestly think I enjoy sleeping all the time? Hell No I Don’t!!!! I have things to do, places to go, people to see. I want to just throw weights at those who say that!

Believe me I try not to compare myself to others and their pain but it is hard. Living with this for 28 years sometimes my patience is just really thin.

To those who think I have a hate-obsessive thoughts about people who have done wrong things to me… Well yea… it bothers the sh*t out of me. I don’t think that goes away, I mean you move ON probably a few years later but I don’t think you ever ever ever forget it! And bless those that say “don’t dwell on it – it doesn’t do any good!” Hmmmm…. I wonder. I mean I don’t dwell, I just don’t forget!

I love this one.. will never forget it… On a job that I relocated to from my home town a few years ago… I was experiencing an attack and the President says to me “does your pain block your ability to manage an office or your staff?” I had to stop myself and really think oh okay then,  is this my boss? is she stupid, oh my god, she is stupid – why am I here and how did she become the President and win an award for something and I forget what? and the Treasurer of this organization was nothing to talk about. She laughed when I told her I had Multiple Sclerosis – hmmm…. ok great! She offered to give me her doctor’s name who doesn’t specialize in MS, I had to take it graciously I didn’t want to come across as not cooperative and increase my chances of getting written up. Oh wait….. I am not there anymore. And for those who think they know who I am talking about – do you?

On a positive note.. I have a really good neurologist now. Wow after 28 years I can finally talk to her and she understands. Unbelievable!!! and… my primary care doctor is a Vegan – woot! woot! the funny stares stop when I say I am trying to eliminate animal products from my food plan. It’s a good thing. At least I don’t get those dumb-a*s stares from the other ones – well…. hmm… anymore. Well.. for now anyways.

and to those who just do not know any better….. TRY A LOT HARDER!