When I was first diagnosed with MS, I had no idea what to expect. I told myself that it was not a big deal and that I would survive anything that came my way. For about 10 years, I had no MS attacks but now that I sit and think about it, I am sure I have had minor flare-ups here and there such as being so tired not being able to do anything that day or when it became really hot outside I could not understand why I felt so weak and drained. I blew these things off as not getting enough rest and not eating right but in reality I was having a flare-up.

After having no major attacks for 10 years other than minor flare-ups I moved back to Michigan, and my whole life changed, new friends, jobs lost, having the huge responsiblity of taking care of a terminally ill parent (extremely stressful situation), I have had three major flare-ups here. These flare-ups have really changed my body and now I have things that affect me that did not happen before such as pain, feeling like I am sitting on bags of ice for long periods of time, razor sharp electric bolts that surge through my face and body when I am laying down sleeping, constant tingling in my spine, legs and feet.  I think the pain is the worst it is such a mind blowing thing. Pain 24 hours a day with no relief.

Now as I approach the age of 45 I wonder if my body will hold up for another 20 years because I am in school full time pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in Health care Administration which I hope to apply this to help people with MS especially deaf and hard of hearing. I am scared because I will not be able to do what I want because of my MS. I have doubts and I still wonder. I am sure there are others out there that feel the same way I do.

Then….. I start back into school reading chapters and answering questions and I become inspired to go and conqueor the world. I shall not let this fear of MS scare me into hiding and not living my life to the fullest.